HEY BESTIE: I’m in a new relationship, and the sex is great. We make love every day – sometimes more than once a day. But I’m starting to worry a bit that I might be addicted to sex. How do I know if I am?
So happy to hear the sex is great!
I hope you continue to enjoy each other and the sex between you.
Enjoying and having sex regularly (or more often than not) is quite different from sex addiction. So let me, first of all, clarify what an addiction to sex is.
Although sex addiction is technically not classified in the most widely used diagnostic manual for therapists, it is essentially the need to perform sexual acts to achieve the ‘solution’ that a person with an alcohol disorder would get from drinking, for example.
Addiction is considered when sexual behavior negatively affects your physical and mental health, personal relationships, quality of life, and safety.
Here are some signs to watch out for:
Lying to cover up the sexual behavior Inability to stop or control the behavior Feeling remorse or guilt after the behavior Chronic or obsessive thoughts about the behavior
So let me break it down. Suppose you are thinking about or participating in your desired sexual activity more than going to work or taking care of yourself or others, affecting your ability to function. In that case, you should probably talk to a health professional about this.
However, if you just really, genuinely enjoy your new partner, have sex on a very regular basis, can still function in society, and enjoy the moment as long as you can: this is not necessarily a sex addiction.
Sex addiction has consequences, including negative effects on your well-being and relationships.
Sex has been taboo for years andis a topic people prefer not to discuss. If you feel like you’re in control of your behavior rather than your behavior controlling you, that’s a good indicator that you’re most likely okay.
Sex addiction requires professional intervention by a healthcare professional experienced in the field.
Treatment can vary and is not likely to be a one-time session. Many support groups are also available for people coping with problematic sexual behavior.
If you are ever genuinely concerned about your sexual behavior, take the time to contact a health professional.
There are plenty of people specifically trained in sex therapy who can help you explore healthy sexual relationships with yourself and others.
After all, everyone deserves a healthy and active sex life.
your dear,
Amanda xx
Amanda Lambros is a sex therapist and relationship coach with nearly two decades of experience who takes pride in her “no bs” approach to solving your problems. She is also a certified speaking professional and has written several books on relationships, health, and business that have sold over 150,000 copies.
Do you have a question for Amanda? Email [email protected] (don’t worry, we won’t publish your name!)
