HEY BESTIE: I’ve been married to my wife for six years, and while the sex is great, I’d love to try a threesome. I want her best friend to join us. I know my wife’s girlfriend secretly told me she’s up for a threesome. I know she has fantasies about me, but I don’t think my wife has any idea. How do I bring this up with my wife and convince her that it would be a great experience?
There are a few things to point out regarding this question that I think it’s really important for you to stop and think about…, especially the potential impact and outcome.
First – there is a big difference between sexual fantasy and sexual reality. When the two lines are blurred, it often causes confusion, pain, and trust issues in a relationship.
Second – It’s one thing to want to talk to your wife about a fantasy of yours…it’s quite another to ‘persuade’ her. Please think of both.
Okay, now that those two things are out of the way, let’s talk about threesomes. If this is a fantasy you’ve had day and night and your wife is aware of it, it shouldn’t be that hard to start a conversation about it or even ask/know her opinion on the subject. If it’s a hard no for her, you probably won’t be able to convince her otherwise, and her hardline should be respected.
On the other hand, if she’s open to the suggestion — talk about who both of you might like as the extra partner — there’s a possibility she might not want her best friend to be a part of this. But again, she could.
Suppose you’re both on board with the threesome…great. It can be a chance to discover something new and give a different perspective on your relationship. If one of you is not on board and somehow still manages to get through with the threesome, it could seriously damage your relationship and could lead to a divorce.
This all boils down to the ability to have a vulnerable conversation with the person you love. Talk about what you think you want to experience, why you want that experience, and how it would make you feel. Most couples don’t talk about the relationship pitfalls that can appear after the threesome (if it continues) and so I would highly recommend booking a session with a sex therapist to go through the rules of conduct before embarking on the threesome. You don’t have to find out for yourself; some professionals are happy to help you navigate through possible pitfalls. After all, everyone deserves to feel safe in their relationship.
your best friend,
Amanda xx
Amanda Lambros is a sex therapist and relationship coach with nearly two decades of experience who takes pride in her “no bs” approach to solving your problems. She is also a certified speaking professional and has written several books on relationships, health, and business that have sold over 150,000 copies.
