Hey Bestie: I’m secretly in love with my boyfriend’s flashing light guy. What should I do?

HEY BESTIE: I’ve been secretly in love with someone in my group of friends for the past two years. He’s everything I want in a guy, but he’s in an on-again, off-again boyfriend. I’m afraid if I show him that I’m interested, it could explode in my face, and I’ll lose him and my other friends. I’ve tried dating other people, but they don’t compare. What should I do?

Hey Bestie: I'm secretly in love with my boyfriend's flashing light guy. What should I do?

When you enter a relationship, a great friendship is one of the first things you want for a lasting relationship. The person you can laugh with, make you feel safe, tell stories, and have a great time when you’re alone, and no one else is around. Suppose this person is already a friend… bonus!

The next thing you want (and this is a big one) is for the person to love you truly… no one else… just you. If the attraction is one-sided, the relationship can become one-sided, and that’s never a good feeling… you know… when you love and love and love and then feel nothing in return from the other person. Yeah, those… so let’s avoid that.

So this is where the reality check comes in.

When you say you’ve been “secretly” in love with this person, do you mean seriously, no one else knows or is it that pretty much everyone in your friend group knows, but you haven’t dared to open the conversation? With the person you are in love with?

Suppose nobody knows and you haven’t shown any interest in this person. In that case, it might be worth having a conversation, catching up over coffee, something… anything to touch and see if there’s anything our mutual feelings.

If the person already knows because it wasn’t a secret, there’s a higher chance that you’re just in the friend zone – someone who likes to be with you as a friend but doesn’t want what a relationship might bring.

It would help if you also thought the considered person is really for a relationship – back on, back off is not a good indication that they want a relationship.

Plus, while you may think he’s everything you want in a partner, you haven’t had him as a partner yet, and things could change if you did.

Comparisons will rob the people who try to date you of a potentially great relationship with you…and vice versa. Instead of comparing your partners to the expectations of what you think you have with this person, refocus on your partners. Give them a chance, not a comparison.

Only you know how much you love this friend and if there are any mutual feelings. You will also see if they are a good friend or ask if any feelings will hurt the “friendship” with him.

If you think you’ve found those answers and can muster some courage, you’ll know what decision to make. After all, this is your life, feelings, and end. You are the best person to know how to proceed from here.

your best friend,

Amanda xx

Amanda Lambros is a sex therapist and relationship coach with nearly two decades of experience who takes pride in her “no bs” approach to solving your problems. She is also a certified speaking professional and has written several books on relationships, health, and business that have sold over 150,000 copies.

Lori J. Kile
I love to write and create. I love photography, design, travel and art. I am a full time freelance writer and photographer.I am very excited to be creating new content and opportunities for my readers.